Good Synonyms
by carissima
Summary: How did Jackie find all those good synonyms for her breakup letter to Kelso? A short oneshot, set in the summer between S4 and S5. Jackie and Hyde.


**AN: Yes, this is short, but it's the first time I've written J/H in forever. Just a little scene from that summer between S4 and S5. This was all Annie's idea, I just wrote it. Forgive anything that's OOC, I'm easing myself back in. Anyway, how did Jackie get all those good synonyms for her break-up letter to Kelso?**

"He is just such a loser!" Jackie whined as she stepped into the basement.

"Oh good, you're here," Hyde muttered from behind his comic.

"I can't believe he ran away to California!" she repeated for the billionth time as she dropped onto the couch.

"I can't believe we didn't all run away to California," Hyde said flatly, rolling his eyes. "Or even better, why you didn't run away to California instead of Kelso."

"Where are Fez and Eric? I need help," Jackie said, glaring at him.

Hyde decided to leave that opening alone. Some things were just too easy. Besides, he'd already exhausted his previously inexhaustible Jackie-insults in the four weeks since Kelso and Donna had run out on her and Eric. He'd kind of assumed that Jackie would finally disappear, since Kelso and Donna were the only reasons she continued to make his life more miserable, when she'd just ended up being in the basement more.

"Eric took Fez to the pool," he said shortly, hoping that she'd take the hint.

Pouting, Jackie crossed her arms as she stared at the blank television screen. Her foot started tapping, but she barely noticed.

Hyde did. His mouth twisted as he hoped she'd just give up soon. As the incessant noise continued, he lowered his comic and glared at her.

Eventually, Jackie realised that Hyde was staring at her. "What?" she asked, running her hand through her hair unconsciously. She was gradually getting used to spending time alone with Hyde. At the beginning of the summer, she'd always make sure that Fez was around, but slowly, either she'd grown immune to his insults, or he'd softened up a little. Either way, she was almost fine with being alone with him now.

"Do you mind?" he asked.

"Oh, sorry," Jackie stopped her nervous tapping. Sighing, she sat back against the couch. "Steven?"

"I'm busy," he said quickly, anticipating her.

"You're reading the same comic you read yesterday," Jackie pointed out.

"I'm a slow reader," he smirked.

"Look, I promise you'll enjoy it," she swore.

"I doubt that," Hyde said dryly.

"I want to break up with Michael," Jackie announced loudly, trying to capture his attention.

"I think him running away to California after you proposed to him counts as breaking up," Hyde pointed out.

"But I want to do it officially," she whined. "How can I show my face at school if everyone thinks that Michael didn't want to marry me so much that he ran away to another state?"

"You think breaking up with him will protect your reputation?" he asked, smothering a grin.

Jackie glared at him. "Maybe not, but I'll feel a whole lot better."

"So how will this be fun for me?" he asked, giving in and throwing his comic on the floor.

"Well, I tried to write a letter, stating very clearly that it was over between us and that he was a loser and a … uh …. jerk. But I ran out of words," she admitted.

"Hand it over," he said, holding out his hand.

Jackie drew it out of her bag, pristinely folded, and handed it to him.

Hyde skimmed it, a smirk playing on his lips. "Uh, yeah. I see what you mean."

"Calling him a loser five times in the first sentence doesn't really give that punch in the gut feeling that I want him to have," Jackie sighed. "I want him to know how angry I am with him, and that he's had his last chance with me."

"As opposed to all the other times he's had his last chance with you?" Hyde asked, an eyebrow raised.

"This time I mean it," Jackie said firmly.

"Okay," he said, unconvinced. "You know what you need? Good synonyms."

"Exactly. I need good synonyms for Michael Kelso, the cowardly, won't-marry-me loser who ran away to California … jackass," Jackie finished, flushing.

"That's a start," Hyde said, passing her back the letter so she could jot it down. "At least jackass is a new insult."

"Spineless, that's what he is," Jackie muttered as she started scribbling.

Hyde looked at her, slightly impressed. "I always find 'moron' works best for Kelso."

"Perfect," she agreed as she noted that down too.

"Anything that insults his manhood is also good," Hyde said as he leant back in his chair and propped his feet up on the wagon wheel table.

"Or his hair," Jackie grinned widely.

Hyde chuckled, despite himself. "Or his looks. Tell him you're dating an older guy, who can grow facial hair and looks like a real man."

"The trifecta of insulting a Kelso," Jackie giggled. "His sexual ability, his hair and his girlishness."

"Switch hair for spindliness, and you've got the trifecta of insulting Forman," Hyde mused.

"Eric's too pathetic to insult," Jackie said as she kept writing. "It's just no fun if he's too depressed to think of a lame comeback."

"Yeah, Eric's too pathetic," Hyde said pointedly. "Because you haven't been moping around since you figured out that Kelso left."

"I may have been a little … upset," Jackie admitted grudgingly. "But at least I'm doing something about it now. Besides, I'm the Donna in the relationship. I offered Michael something amazing, and he turned me down. Eric's the idiot for turning Donna down."

"Whatever you say, Jackie," Hyde said wryly. "How's that letter going?"

"I need a final insult to really nail him," she murmured, mulling over the letter. "Something that will really make him cry over losing me."

"Why don't you just scrawl a big 'loser' across the page?" Hyde suggested.

Jackie stuck her tongue out and concentrated as she wrote the large letters, before signing her name with a flourish at the bottom.

"Nothing says 'I hate you' like your name with a heart over the i," Hyde said dryly.

"I want him to know that I'm angry, but that I'm still the same perky, happy girl I was before," Jackie said brightly.

"Uh huh."

"I don't want him to think I've turned into this angry girl who can't get over him and sits in this stupid basement all the time."

"Jackie, that's a pretty good description of you," Hyde pointed out with a grin.

"You know what, Hyde?" Jackie challenged him, annoyed. "You're now the only angry person who sits in this basement all the time. I'm going to find Eric and Fez, because at least they're out, enjoying the summer."

"You just said Eric was a depressed and pathetic idiot," Hyde chuckled.

"But he's a depressed and pathetic idiot at the pool," Jackie said as she stood up, slinging her bag over her shoulder and keeping a tight grip on the letter. "And I just bought the cutest bikini. I'll be tanned and even more gorgeous by the time Michael gets back, so he'll suffer when he realises he can't have me."

"Whatever you say, Jackie," Hyde said, picking up his comic and trying to push the thought of Jackie in a bikini out of his mind. If she could just manage to stop talking for a few days, she'd be hot. But she always ruined it by opening her mouth.

She rolled her eyes. "See you later, Steven."

"No need to thank me," he called out as she disappeared through the door. Grumbling to himself, he hoped Jackie's letter would give her whatever closure she needed, just so she'd quit bugging him.

The door opened and Jackie's head appeared. "Steven! Aren't you coming?"

Rolling his eyes good naturedly, Hyde threw his comic on the couch, grabbed his keys and stood up before following her out the door, still picturing Jackie in that bikini.


End file.
